Missing Mom

There is a piece of me that is missing. Anyone who has lost their mom can identify with the feeling.

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Mother’s Day is always a day that stirs up the emotions even more because of her absence. I do have a diversion because I am a mom. My kids and husband do sweet things for me during the day to make me feel special but the void is still there.

I hate that she isn’t here to see them. I hate that I can’t call her, confide in her, have her encouragement, or advice. I miss the feeling of having a member on my team, who knows me well and believes the best in me. I hate that I can’t watch her share the lives of my kids as they grow. Knowing how excited she was when my first was born….. I hate that she never met my second.

I hate disease and cancer for what it has taken from me and my friends. I hate that we are in this club of sorts, navigating our lives without one of our biggest influencers. I am grateful for the friends who can idenitfy with the pain, but I wish we never shared membership of this club to begin with.  I realize that I am not alone in this club and that I have had more years and memories than some of it’s younger members.  It still hurts no matter what age you are, no matter how long you had them in your life.

 

I dislike the word hate but I can’t find another word strong enough for the emotions I feel.

If you hate the awkwardness/pain you can sometimes feel observing close mother/daughter relationships….I get it.

If you feel mad at the loss of moments you won’t get to share together…I get it.

If you fear forgetting her voice, smell, mannerisms……I get it.

If certain moments/times of year trigger memories that hit you stronger than others…… I get it.

If you have regrets about wasted time with the one you loved….I get it.

If you wish you would have spent more time talking about all the questions you can no longer ask……..I get it.

If you hate the akwardness of telling a stranger your loved one has passed away… I get it.

If you’re mad at yourself for not taking advantage of “all things domesticated”….I get it.

If you wish you would have asked more questions about her hopes, fears, dreams…I get it.

If you wish you would have asked more questions about her childhood to give you a closer glimpse of her life…..I get it.

If you feel a little lost sometimes…. I get it.

If you fear your memories of your loved are beginning to fade…. I get it.

If it feels like the world has moved on when your world paused in her absence….I get it.

 

This is not meant to make people who still have their moms in their lives feel guilty or like they should be on eggshells around someone who is missing their mom.

My mom and I had a strained relationship in high school but we really grew in friendship once I left for college. (my messy room was no longer a point of contention)  While away at school, the distance ironically brought us closer together as we got to share our hearts over phone calls. We communicated our love to each other differently and sometimes that left each of us with hurts. Our misunderstandings showed the way we were wired differently and yet the longer she has been gone, the more things I am finding in common with her.

I do understand the ups and downs and complaints for dealing with family members and it does not offend me to hear others venting about their relationships.

I guess this is just a reminder of what you already know….To try to love your mom as best as you can while she is still here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This image was of my mom on her last Mother’s Day. While bound to a chair, the cancer filled her body with excruciating pain with each tiny movement. That pain could not stop the bounds of her love for each person who entered the room to visit her..especially her only grandson.

You can feel free to ask us members of the “missing mom club” about our moms. Sometimes it’s nice to share about what they were like, what our favorite things about them were and the ways we try to carry on their legacy. It’s really great when we can remember the funny stories.

I know the real way to honor her is to live out her legacy of being a person of faith and love.

She gets to spend Mother’s Day with my brother in heaven….. and I look forward to being reunited with them one day too.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day Mom!  I love you and I miss you so much!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments

  1. says

    What a sweet post about your mom. I love the pictures and the energy you can feel coming from her. I haven’t lost my mother, but my grandmother to cancer. I can see the pain in my mom’s and aunt’s eyes on that day, and understand why my aunt can’t attend a church meeting that day. It’s too painful to be reminded that her mom was taken at such a young age to a horrible disease. We each deal with the pain in our own way, and that’s okay, too.

  2. says

    I haven’t lost my mom or my grandmother yet.. but the thought of losing either one of them breaks my heart. The horrible thing is that it can’t be stopped. I wish we had a world without disease. It’s not fair how people are taken away from our lives because of a reason other than old age.

    If the afterlife and heaven do exist I hope when I lose my parents they will still be with me.

    Your post was really sweet. I bet your mother is really proud of you.

    • Nedra McDaniel says

      Desiree- I believe heaven does exist and that’s what gives me hope for the future. Thanks for sharing and stopping by:)

  3. Gina C says

    Nedra,
    You honor your Mother every day by being the amazing Mother she raised you to be. Just as your Mom made the world a better place by simply being in it– you are doing the same. Her legacy lives on.

  4. Gina says

    So beautiful are you because of your mom. Thank you for sharing. I jut lost my mom suddenly on June 16th 2012. I am still numb today and devastated beyond belief. Your article gave me comfort today. Thank you.

    Gina

  5. Gina says

    Thank you for sharing your story, your mom looked so beautiful on her last day, I would have need known if you had not mentioned it. thank you for sharing your story I felt comfort today after reading this. I lost my mom June 16 2012. I am devastated.

    Gina

    • Nedra McDaniel says

      Gina- I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. It is such a hard experience to go through. I unfortunatley have a few close friends who have also lost their moms at an early age who also understand the pain of losing a mom that I confide in. You and your family will be in my prayers and please feel free to call me (I’ll message it to you) if you ever need someone to vent or talk to. My mom died in 2004 and I still miss her so much.

  6. Jodi says

    I am sorry for your pain. I lost my Mom/best friend/confidant/shoulder in Sept of this year. The pain we feel is un unexplainable. Thank you for your blog and God bless.

  7. Becky says

    Hi Nedra,
    I was looking through Facebook tonight, seeing all the pictures of my childhood friends and their children, and I started thinking about growing up in my small town in western New York. Inevitably, I thought of my mother, who was such a monumental part of my life. I lost her in 1991, when she was 45 and I was 22. Although it has been 21 years, some days the pain is still as raw as if it were yesterday. I stumbled upon your blog when, through my tears, I thought I would look for anyone who has blogged about the unique experience of losing her mother. As you say, it is a club of sorts, but not one I chose nor wanted to be a part of. Thanks for your post. It is comforting to know that someone else out there feels the way I do. Sad. Angry. Lost. Alone. Thanks for “getting it.” And damn Facebook, anyway! :)
    Becky

    • ambadmin says

      Thanks for sharing Becky! I’m sorry that you are in the club too. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been without her or the age it happened, it’s just hard. I hope you find ways to honor her memory as you live your life to the fullest. That’s what I’m attempting to do:)

  8. says

    Nedra, I have no words to express my condolences to you… but your words speak enough. You were a lovely friend, when I needed one the most. Your mother’s spirit lives on in you, and you are undoubtedly a loving, beautiful person inside & out. Happiest Mother’s Day to you lovely.

    “Thank you for touching my life in ways you may never know. My riches do not lie in material wealth but in having friends like you – a precious gift from God.”
    — Azgraybebly Josland

  9. Jamie Grice says

    Nedra,

    Your mom was so amazing that it is difficult to begin to try to find the words she would have for you…..but you are such an inspiration to all women, young and old. You have a fire that you share with your mom; they are a different fire but the passion is still the same. You change women’s lives everyday with the things you do, your adventures and your thoughts you share with the world each day with your blog. I am amazed by the woman that I see today; having known you my whole life and knowing your mom you have made her memory live on in the most beautiful way she could have ever asked. I love you and I hope you have an awesome day! We will be at KI if you are around that area.

    Love you,
    Jamie

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