Last December I made an aggressive move for an aggressive goal. A friend invited me to join her and a few others to hike the Rim to Rim at the Grand Canyon in October.
The hike was 24 miles in one day. It was an invitation for an adventure that intimidated me. It was the type of adventure that I couldn’t just “wing” or there could be serious consequences.
There was a cost to this adventure in my time, finances, physical training, and overcoming mental challenges.
I wanted reassurance from her that women with my similar body type, not part of a Cross Fit gym could also complete this challenge. She assured me that they had.
But I knew that on the other side of training for this audacious goal, I would be healthier and stronger and achieve something WAY out of my comfort zone.
This would be my “year-defining goal,” my “Misogi Challenge” as Jessi Itzler talks about that’s supposed to stretch you both physically and mentally.
The type of goal you look back on with pride because you knew the ups and downs to get there along the way.
I also knew that I had done hard physical things in the past and that I could use those experiences as reminders to build confidence. I’d previously had the grit to overcome not being a runner when I trained for a half marathon and a sprint triathlon.
Both were done imperfectly but I’m proud to say I stuck with them. (Don’t ever use a mountain bike for the bike portion of a sprint triathlon… I speak from experience of doing it the wrong way.)
In November my husband had hip replacement surgery and while he was in surgery I decided that I might as well have my knee checked out a floor below at Urgent Care while I was waiting.
I had a lot of throbbing pain and wanted things to be resolved before my epic hike at the Grand Canyon.
All our holiday photos were pretty comical with the crutch and the cane from our holiday adventures that season too.
As it turned out I had a torn meniscus and a lot of arthritis in my knee which also helped justify my pain and limp.
I made the decision to get knee surgery because I couldn’t ignore it anymore if I wanted any chance of accomplishing my goal.
A 24-mile hike and a torn meniscus aren’t a great combo.
This was a HUGE deal for me because I hate and avoid ALL things medical. I avoid needles at all costs. I avoid doctors at all costs.
For context, I felt lightheaded when the doctor looked over my scans and talked with me about the options for my knee.
I even had to take a moment and have an attendant bring me water because listening to medical information, was apparently, a LOT for me to process and I felt like I was going to pass out.
I’ve given birth twice and my first experience with a 32-hour labor was so hard that I was content with the idea of an only child.
They say you “forget” …but I never forgot.
And thankfully my second childbirth wasn’t as traumatic. I could also have some medical trauma from helping care for my special needs brother and I learned avoidance of the doctors from my mom who detected her breast cancer late.
But I needed good knees for the Rim to Rim hike.
The hike is a 14.3-mile descent and 6,000-foot climb to the bottom of the canyon, then a climb of 4,500 feet, and 9.6 miles back to the South Rim.
I had surgery on December 21 and knew that this aggressive move would also make this adventure even more meaningful to me because of my road to recovery.
But that didn’t happen as I planned. I went to PT for months. I wasn’t progressing how I hoped. I still went on trips but this time, modified.
In January, I averaged 17k steps a day during my trip to NYC while on a crutch, which I don’t recommend.
It’s rare to see people on crutches in the subway or on the streets in NYC because it sucks, especially when the subway doesn’t have a working escalator.
In April we went to Universal Studios and New Smyrna Beach. Day 1, I walked the theme park in extreme pain, Day 2, I was in a rented wheelchair.
During our time at the beach, I couldn’t walk far because it felt like shards of glass in my kneecap with each step.
I could barely walk the short distance from our condo to the beach which meant sunrise walks on the beach were out, one of my favorite things.
Coming home from that trip in a wheelchair at the airport was extremely frustrating and humbling. I was supposed to be training for an epic hike and I could barely walk any distance.
It was also humbling to kick off my season at Kings Island Amusement Park in a wheelchair which inspired an updated article on visiting the park with a guest with special needs.
I know I’m fortunate that my situation is temporary and there are many people with permanent mobility issues.
It was a mind shift and impacted my confidence going from being active without a second thought to approaching each adventure with the filter of how much walking was involved and if I needed to bring a knee brace, crutch, or wheelchair.
The additional weight gain was also frustrating because I was previously more active. I did the surgery so that I could be stronger for my goal and I was going backwards.
My knee wouldn’t fully straighten and it was extremely swollen all the time. I paid for a PRP shot not covered by insurance as a last-ditch effort…and did I mention I HATE shots? I went through natural childbirth to avoid the shot.
Another blow was the financial out-of-pocket costs for my knee. The copays for PT, doctor visits, and uncovered treatments were in the thousands even with health insurance.
I was told that best case scenario, the best I would ever feel wouldn’t be until three months after receiving my PRP shot.
So now another trip was in possible jeopardy.
I had signed up for a group trip to Nicaragua, where I would meet the child we had sponsored for years and work alongside the local community on clean water projects and farming.
We also had a volcano climb that I previously thought would be nice training for my Rim to Rim hike.
I honestly didn’t know if I could do it. I knew this would be a physical trip and didn’t know how much I would need to modify.
It was down to the wire for my decision and I also knew that if I canceled I would lose the money I’d already paid for the trip.
I was tired of my knee robbing me of both experiences and more money.
I decided I could modify my participation if needed and just pack my knee brace as a worst-case scenario.
The first full day of the group trip was “Volcano Day.”
Hindsight, I see the wisdom in doing that climb on the first day because it’s an opportunity to overcome a challenge that you’ll look back on as other hard challenges pop up during the week.
I’m not sure everyone in our group would have voluntarily chosen to climb the volcano at the end of such a physical week in the extreme heat.
I never doubted if I would attempt the climb because I have major FOMO, and I didn’t want my knee to rob me of the experience.
I didn’t go into the trip knowing anyone and of course one of the first friends I made had a history of knee issues. It was nice to have someone else who could relate and had empathy.
We only know what we’ve experienced and I have a greater empathy for others with knee issues now because of my journey.
Thankfully we had a very overcast day for our volcano climb which helped because it was during the intense heat, mid-July.
We made our way up to the crater rim with incredible views at every turn along the way.
There’s obviously no shade and we even experienced light rain and wind for a bit that felt really nice as we walked the rim.
Going uphill was easier on my knees so I felt pretty good when I arrived at the top of the volcano. It was challenging but doable.
The hike is a 2.1 mile out and back with a 702 ft elevation gain.
I didn’t know before our hike that we weren’t going back down the volcano the same way we came up.
We were going straight down the side of the volcano. The side of the volcano we were going down was reminiscent of a giant sand dune, only made of volcanic ash.
This is a popular spot for sandboarding but our group didn’t arrange sandboards for us to go down.
If you’ve been to Sleeping Bear Dunes in Northern Michigan it might give you a point of reference to wrap your mind around.
If you look closely you can see the school buses at the bottom of the volcano in the distance for scale.
I was concerned about falling and potentially injuring my knee more for the rest of the week so I took my time.
I would rotate sides when one side of my leg would start to get tired. I allowed my first foot to slide a bit and then I’d take a giant sidestep.
I sidestepped down the whole entire volcano, ALL 2,388 feet of it!
And that was just one of the highlights of my week.
That week I met the Compassion child that we’ve been sponsoring for years for the first time. In full transparency, I hadn’t been an awesome letter writer.
The excuses were easy to justify but the reality is some parts didn’t feel real… but my visit with her was very real, and I also got to meet her mom and her tutor.
She was the first person in 5 years at her center to have a sponsor visit.
I was shown receipts for her doctors visits, clothing, and supplies that were purchased for her through my sponsorship. I brought her a backpack full of supplies and a swimsuit for her first time swimming in a pool.
It was her first time swimming EVER. She doesn’t have a river near where she lives and has to go to a well for water.
She displayed so much bravery wanting me to keep taking her to the deep end where she could jump off the ladder into my arms.
I also put my Duolingo Spanish lessons into practice while we chatted and swam using the most basic Spanish I could recall.
It was a joy to hear her exclaim “Muy divertida” aka “very fun” with the cutest giggles!
That week we also worked alongside a rural community digging ditches for them to have clean running water to their homes for the first time ever.
There are still 100k people in Chinandega without access to clean water and this program works WITH the local communities.
I met a hard-working 10-year-old I nicknamed “el jeje” aka “the boss” who would direct me where to shovel after he used the pickaxe.
I got to dig with the same community for 2 days. Our group’s work that week would be around 2 kilometers of a 7-kilometer goal.
Our assistance helped the project go quicker for the community who still worked on the project daily when additional teams weren’t there to work alongside them.
The water project has now been completed and that community now has running water.
It makes me so happy to know that we were part of changing the lives of that community for the better for generations to come.
We also worked on 3 local farms making rows with fertilizer (that’s not dirt on my arms in one of the pics), removing weeds, setting up the irrigation system, and planting papaya and peppers.
The average wage for a farmer is $6-7 for 10 hours of labor and our collective help in 1 day equaled a month’s worth of work.
The farm day was the hardest physical day in my opinion.
I would dig ditches any day over farming because there is no shade while you’re working in the extreme heat and it’s a lot of lifting and squatting in the fields.
We watched beautiful sunrises over a volcano each morning and powered through doing hard things without the comforts of home like sleeping in air conditioning.
My knee held up better than I anticipated during that trip and now has many additional modified gimpy adventures to add to its growing resume including volcano climbing, ditch digging, and farming.
During the trip, we wrote a letter to our future selves, which I received a few weeks ago.
I wrote this to my future self:
“You can do hard things! Remember the people & the places imprinted on your heart. Continue with intention and perspective. Remember how God showed you hope for others to live their dreams. Use your unique gifts and talents to encourage others to help others. Blessed to bless.”
I didn’t hike the Rim to Rim hike as my year-defining goal this year.
I made plans but God had other plans in mind for what my year-defining trip would be this year.
But I did sidestep a volcano, met my Compassion child, weeded and planted seeds at two farms and helped dig a trench to bring clean water to a community, that will impact that community for years to come.
I say all this to say, you may have a goal that’s been on your heart for a while but you don’t know where to begin or how to bring it to life.
Maybe part of you is wondering if you’re worthy of even attaining it or what others would think if you dared to even try it.
Maybe it’s easier to not have a goal at all so you won’t be disappointed if you try and don’t achieve it.
The first step is being brave enough to admit what it is on your heart and allowing yourself to believe you’re worthy of it coming to pass.
And then taking small steps toward the goal, no matter the outcome.
There is a stronger version of you waiting on the other side of that goal.
I keep the quote “If your dreams don’t scare you. They’re not big enough” on the wall in our family room. The quote is surrounded by images from my previous adventures that my younger, wimpier self wouldn’t believe are possible.
The images remind me that it’s possible to live my dreams. These images also remind me that I must be intentional because they didn’t happen to me randomly or by accident.
I recognize that my “hard” this past year was different from the “hard” you faced this past year.
Life is HARD in a variety of ways.
Everyone is fighting a battle and waiting for something.
It’s been a year since my surgery and I still don’t have full range of motion in my knee and I still walk with a slight limp.
I didn’t think this would be my story one year later…but that just means it’s not the end of my story.
In our different seasons and stages of life we can encourage each other on the other side of our challenges along the way.
It’s really HARD when you work toward a goal and it doesn’t happen, but my encouragement is to look for a way to pivot and try to find the silver lining along the way.
I didn’t accomplish my “year-defining goal” this year but I allowed other experiences to redeem it this year.
And I’ll continue to set year-defining goals that stretch me, and also encourage you to join me and do the same.
